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Why Couples
therapy?
Wishes can be different. Needs are universal. And people are often even closer than they think.

About our approach
Many couples come to us because they love each other.
Paradoxically, in most cases it is precisely a high degree of togetherness that brings couples here. Arguments and escalation, but also frustration and boredom can, for various reasons, be an expression of this high degree of togetherness and, over the years, have developed from the beauty of the beginning to the problem of the present.
The desire for a life worth living is no less strong. Most people do not want to spend their precious time arguing, but want to increase the quality of life in their relationship. So the desire and the first step, which sometimes comes from just one partner, to seek couples counseling is often an expression of this desire for vitality and further development.
Desire or no desire (anymore) is, as we often find, an important aspect, but it is usually only after two or three sessions that it becomes an issue as to why people come to the practice. It is often linked to the desire to rediscover pleasure, to find it again and/or to give it a framework that gives pleasure to both.
Possible topics

You have probably already tried a few things to make your relationship work so that you both feel comfortable: Put up with frustration, argued with each other, asked friends, tried new things together. But perhaps you still haven’t found a lasting solution.
This may be because there have been some drastic changes recently, for example an outside relationship. Or your relationship has changed over the years, for example due to ongoing stress. If these conflicts can no longer be resolved within the relationship itself, professional support can help.
The aim is to find perspectives together so that you can regain your footing in the long term and master life’s challenges together as a couple. Or, if it is unavoidable, to respectfully build separate perspectives for the future.
Whether the joint work turns into longer-term support or an impulse conversation usually becomes clear in the first conversation and/or in a follow-up conversation. The aim of the discussions is to set a process in motion in which you find a solution that suits you from your point of view.
Arguments with each other
“We need to work on our communication” is a sentence we often hear when a couple introduces themselves. Often the destructive patterns are already known, sometimes they only become visible during therapy. In some cases, new impulses for appreciative communication are enough and sometimes the argument is just the tip of the iceberg and there are deeper issues underneath that need to be addressed.
It is not uncommon to ask yourself:
- How much arguing is allowed in our relationship?
- What exactly about the communication is hurtful?
- Is arguing perhaps also an identity-forming part of the relationship?
- How do we manage to create escalations?
- What injuries are behind the accusations?
Sexuality / affairs
What significance does an external relationship have for the continued existence of a partnership? How do you deal with the dilemma of finding emotional reliability and home on the one hand and freedom and autonomy on the other in a partnership?
But important questions, such as
- What does exclusivity mean to us?
- How have we changed as a couple?
- Are there wishes and needs that have not yet been communicated?
fade when an affair is uncovered. Then, in most cases, a state of emergency prevails for the time being: sexual violation through the comparison with the third party, the feeling of betrayal, humiliation and loneliness are then in the foreground.
- How do you deal with suspected infidelity?
- What happens after disclosure?
- How much can/should be disclosed at all?
- How do you come to a decision on how to proceed?
- What about forgiveness and trust?
- Does it go back to the old order?
- Does the offense remain?
- Is there a step into the new?
The betrayed partner in particular is often caught in a maelstrom of emotions that can be overwhelming and difficult to control. In our conversations, we are not afraid of difficult topics and offer both partners a protective space to express themselves.
Separation
Sometimes you get to the point in a relationship where you think or know that things can’t go on like this. Either both partners are dealing with separation issues or one of them is carrying the thought around with them. In this difficult situation, it can be helpful to find out in a one-to-one or couple’s conversation whether you want to separate from your partner or end an untenable situation within the partnership. Once the separation has been decided, there is no longer a partnership and, in our view, no couples therapy. We recommend consulting a mediator for the further, important clarification steps.
Parenting & patchwork family
Staying a couple when you become parents is hard enough. But what happens when several families get together and different interests have to be reconciled? Couples in love have a very difficult time of it, because not only are they asked to be a team, but they often feel responsible for making sure that this time it’s really good. As a result, everyone struggles and at the end of the day the frustration is higher than planned. The lovers lose sight of each other and are almost exclusively occupied with putting out fires. If the energy level drops, it doesn’t take long for the couple to start arguing.
But how can they manage to stay together? This is usually the pivotal point of the sessions, as are the couple’s own high expectations of what can initially be a terrorist attack on their relationship, such as a baby.
Possible process

01
Make a non-binding inquiry or book an appointment for an initial consultation directly
02
Have a personal preliminary talk (approx. 10 minutes) and/or make an appointment directly
03
First therapy session on site or online (duration approx. 90 min.)
04
Discuss further course of therapy – usually approx. 5–8 appointments
Experiences of our clients

“As a coach, I know how important support is. When I was looking for couples therapy, it was important to me that the support was professionally trained and at the same time had their own experience. I found both at Middendorf-Sturm.”
married, early 40s, two children
“I have experience in individual therapy as well as in group settings. For the couple therapy, it was important to me to find a balance between a biographical introspection and concrete solution tools for our couple conflicts. The protected setting and the clever questions helped us to discuss things calmly and constructively with each other and to look at our relationship patterns differently.”
Married couple, mid-30s, two children
“When I need tips, I read a book! With Middendorf-Sturm, I found solutions that suited me and us that you can’t find in literature.”
Newly in love, 28 & 32 years old
(together for 2 years)
Submit your inquiry today


Get in Touch
Please feel free to use the contact form for your first inquiry or send us an e-mail directly to: info@middendorf-sturm.de.
You can also leave a message on our answering machine. You can reach us on the telephone number 030 983 759 22
We will get back to you within 24 hours.
We look forward to hearing from you!
Ralf Sturm and Katharina Middendorf

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© Middendorf Sturm GbR, Paar- & Sexualtherapie, 2025